For want of a hold...

The land is craggly. The twisty swirls of the dunes make you want to travel on them. But tempting as they are, you know their true story. You know how they shiver like fireflies and will quench themselves on a desirous touch. They are traitorous. They make you want to want them. They test you. They only want to see your eyes when you step on them. They want to see the surprise in your eyes, better yet, they want to feel the drop of your heart when you step on them and they morph into vortexes.

You see, each dune is a vortex of its own opening up to worlds unknown. Yet you know that each of these worlds is wrapped in candy paper for lure and what is inside is this shaky mass of nothingness that leeches at the warmth in your heart. Whatever warmth is still left after it has turned cold on seeing the façade falter.

You know this because you have dreamt them. But as prophecies, you cannot escape them. You may think you will if you do this and that, but a sight of those living crawly dunes and your heart is stolen. Your hear the sibilant hisses as the sand creeps under your closed eyes but because you can stop a sword cut in your dreams, you think you can stop the sands by waking up. But what if you wake up to a world where matter is sand? Where the very air is sandy? Where there is no concept of oxygen, of optimism, of hope? Where all that is there is the susurration that erodes the base of your soul and drinks from your marrow of faith?

So you want to believe but believe me, belief is overrated. Everyone wants to believe because we are lazy to find out if what we believe can be touched or smelt or felt between the thumb and index finger. You think, you will believe and this selfless act will inspire the universe to act as per your belief. But you see, this is such a selfish belief and really, how then can it happen?

I am very question-y today. I am often like this. I do not want to be like this. But you see, those sands, those fang-y colourful sands continue to shift under my feet, they caress my in-step and I hold on to the quaint trills of my fading sanity but they are relentless, they probe, they pinch, they cajole, they whisper how they want me and need me in their world of lone sands and I feel my hold slip even though I think I am in my dream and even if the hold slips, so what, I will wake up. I will wake up and see that it was all a dream but then, there is that little question that reverberates across my eardrum – which part is the dream: the waking or the sleeping and the incessant push and pull of the answer is all that I can slowly hear as I devolve into a million little sands, slowly and sandfully…

Back on ground after a month-long flight :)

Hello Blog, I am deeply sorry for having neglected you for the past few months - but you see, there were some really strange things happening in my life.

I got married on September 6, 2009 and so August was my last month at work at plaNETsurfCreations, Bangalore. That meant hectic days of finalising the process of setting up teams for the Specials, Videos and Accenture projects as well as training the team members. It was a chaotic but fun endeavour - left the company with some really exciting people in place. They will be fine and I was happy to leave with some wonderful memories of a set of beautiful and great people there.

But it was time for me to move on, ya see. After 30 years of a lone existence (I will not call it lonely as I enjoy solitude and the peace to think soaringly) I was voluntarily going to share my life and days with another person. I would have loved to have just gone ahead with life as it is, but sometimes, one must pause to follow societal rituals and familial obligations. This pause was extremely boring for me as I was stuck in my native place of Kanichurangala, in Kerala for a good 2 weeks with no internet, no television and worst, no books to read. Though the last could have been amended if only, I was not too boringly lazy to open my packages.

The wedding ceremony went off well, the in-laws weren't allowed to get too bored for the two days that they were there and my dearest friend Daisy kept me completely and pleasantly sane. I hail a thank you for the dear girl.

From Kerala, we tripped off to Chennai to spend a few days with my new family. It was a fun few days of getting to know some close relatives and getting to know Chennai. The trip concluded with the quite successful Reception evening.

From Chennai, we went onward to Munnar for the honeyed moon sightings. Munnar is all that the tourist brouchers promised. Of course, as all other travellers, a bit of advice - Munnai aint the place if you want to do something, but it is absolutely divine as a place to just lie back, relax and charge yourself.

3 days of awe inspiring scenery and it was time to head to Mumbai for a more grounded existence.

And yeah, the air trip to Mumbai was my first flight and all pre-flight jitters turned out to be just that, fortunately. I would not have relished the idea of a 30-yr-old puking woman in the presence of waaay cooler infant travellers.

The view...oh the view. My first look at Mumbai was as stunning as Munnar's mountains. The myriad brilliant garlands and the vast blackness of the sea (it was 9pm). Mumbai had won me over at 30,000 ft. But of course, on the ground, Mumbai is still alien to me - I am aware this will require more than 2 weeks to be redressed.

Anyways, I am back on the ground but it will be sometime before even a semblance of status quo can be achieved. I am still going to be offline most of the time, but I am keen to sit down and begin jotting again.

Good night blog.

See ya back, Ciao!